Things to remember when fostering a teenager

According to government figures there are nearly 61,000 children in the care of local authorities (2009) and 41% of those were between 10 and 15 and 21% over 16 and of the total numbers in care 73% were with foster carers.

Sadly those in care are less likely to achieve the same academic success or stable relationships of their peers.They also are more likely to misuse drugs, get involved in crime and experience mental health problems. Many however do have a good experience and go on to have good jobs and stable relationships thanks to the support of some of the very dedicated social workers and foster carers. The older a child is, the harder it is to find them a place outside of a care home.

Although foster carers are badly needed there are rightly some hoops that you have to jump through.  Fostering is open to adults

• whether you have your own children or not
• if you are single, married or living with a partner
• if you are in or out of work
• whether you live in your own home or rent
• whatever your race, religion or sexuality
  

                                                                  (information from direct.gov.uk)

Those people who decide they would like to become a  foster carer undertake thorough preparation and assessment.As well as attending a range of groups to understand the needs of children in foster care there are visits from a social worker. Their role is to prepare a report which is put before an independent fostering panel whose job it is to decide whether a person or family are suitable to become foster carers.

Fostering a teenager is not necessarily easy, but there are a lot of teenagers out there who have spent a long time in care homes and would benefit from living in a loving, family environment. Be warned it is not for the faint-hearted. Teenage years can be fraught with hormones, first love, peer pressure of drugs and drink, poor body image, general moodiness and a dislike of 'nagging parents'. Add into the mix experiences of a poor, disrupted home life and a feeling of abandonement you could find yourself caring for a very mixed up young person. But if you are up to a challenge, have a real empathy with teenagers, have relentless patience and you are ready to open up your home to a young person who needs it, then contact your local fostering service.

There are different types of fostering:

• Emergency - Used for children who need to be in a place of safety for a few nights.

• Short-term - Carers look after children for a few weeks or months, whilst plans are put in place for the child's future.

• Short-breaks (or known as respite care). Children/young people with special needs or behavioural difficulties stay with a different family so that parents orl foster carers can hae a break
  
  
• Remand fostering - Is when a young person in England or Wales are "remanded" by the court to the care of a specially trained foster carer.
  
  
• Long-term - Not all children who cannot go home or do not have one to go to and do not wish to be adopted stay long term with foster carers.
  
  
• "Family and friends" or "kinship" fostering - Children who are in the care of the local authority are cared for by people they already know.
  
  
• Private fostering - Parents make an arrangement for their child to stay with someone else who is not a close relative and has no parental responsibilities. The child stays with that person (the private foster carer) for more than 27 days and the local health authority will still have to know where they are.
  

Although you will get a lot of support and information from the compulsory classes you'll attend, here is a flavour of some other issues that you are likely to face.

• If you have our own children, make sure that they are prepared for the new arrival and you have discussed any potential difficulties with them.

• Don't try too hard to force a relationship. Some are scared to let people in and will be wary for some time.

• Establish with them what they want to call you, and how they would like to be described to other people.

• Find out what their interests are, what food they like and dislike, clothing, music etc. The chances are, they have had limited attention and bit by bit will be glad to tell you.

• Make sure you have knowledge of popular culture. You may not listen to the same music, you may not like the same sports, same shops - whatever, but it helps if you have some knowledge and know what they are talking about. You need to be able to make conections.
  

• Be prepared for them appearing to be settling and then withdrawing from you. This is normal and just them testing you out.

• Establish some guidelines (gently) They are coming into your home - so they need to know what you expect from the beginning - such as meal times, how long they can stay out etc.

• Don't criticise their parents or the way they were brought up - even if they do. They will turn it back on you when you have your first argument.

• Make sure you spend sometime with the teenager by themselves - so they feel that they are special, just as you would with your own children.

• If you know that you are taking a disturbed child into your home, who might get angry and show signs of violence - put your most precious things away. It's no good thinking that they shouldn't lose it because they will.

• Remember to keep your voice calm in all situations. Walk away rather than arguing with them. You can always talk later when there is a calm atmosphere.

• Be interested in their school life/work etc and give them openings to talk about it.

• If there are issues such as bed wetting (which can even happen to distressed teenagers), don't make a big thing of it.

• If they are supposed to meet up with a parent/s - make sure that you facilitate this if they need it. Give them a lift etc.

• Make sure that you don't let any of your own children feel usurped.

• Whether you are a couple or a single person fostering, remember to have time to yourself.

• If you are finding a teenager too difficult, do not be afraid to discuss is with the social worker. They will not view you as a failure - they are there to help.

• Find a support network for yourself. There will be lots of carers who can help with advice.

• Be ready to forgive. Some teenagers will cause havoc and there may be days when you wish you'd never gone down this route. Stick with it. What they will give back to you will be something special.

• Ensure the teenage has their own support network - there are specific organisations who look after the foster children.
  

Cherish the young person.  You will have the opportunity to have a great impact on them, as they will on you and together you will create memories that will last them for the rest of their lives. There's nothing greater than that.